As I continued, the face slowly began to change.
It started looking more and more devil-like.
I became interested in that character and kept building on it. What began with leftover paint turned into layer after layer of new paint, acrylic markers, gel pen and other materials. With every addition, the figure gained more depth, expression and personality.
Eventually, I started seeing something of my own ego reflected in its face.
For me, ego is not simply something bad that needs to disappear. It is something I try to recognize and become conscious of especially in the moments when it becomes louder and begins influencing the way I think, react or see the world.
The devil-like character became a visual reflection of that part of myself.
I created this painting in my sister's old bedroom, during a period when I temporarily had to move back in with my parents.
It was shortly before I left for Nepal.
At that point, I felt very strongly that I wanted to leave. I wanted movement, change and distance from the situation I was in. At the same time, I was carrying a lot of excitement and anticipation about travelling to Nepal and stepping into something completely different.
That strange in-between period became part of the work.
Being somewhere I no longer wanted to stay, while already mentally looking toward somewhere else.
Sad Ego became a small portrait of an inner character that was present during that transition strange, emotional, slightly dark, but also something I could observe rather than simply become.
Under UV light, parts of the painting illuminate and reveal another side of the work, giving the character an even more intense presence.
